and October passes

Today I was on the last leg of my long trip back up North, nose buried in one of those books that everyone should read (“Eat Pray Love”), when I glanced up and felt ashamed for not having devoted myself to the sunset earlier. I watched the golden peach clouds become a magnificent orange, glowing through the black silhouettes of the trees. I spent some time with my mind, thinking calmly about life as the bus rolled on. About my journey, that I’ve come to realize must be a solo mission now.
I thought about friendship- about how little I know about these friends here, other than the three months worth of training experiences we’ve shared. I have friends back home that I’ve known for over ten years. I miss being in a room with those people.
I thought about envying the author of “Eat Pray Love” and then remembered I have an often eye-opening and mostly fulfilling life here in Belize for now.
I thought about how much I love broken conversations about books across a bus aisle as bodies push and bump past an image of one of these new friends in the opposite seat.

Last night I wandered up and down the levels of a tall green house, rocking an afro, dancing, talking, being socially exhausted shortly after arrival but making it through the long evening. Halloween party. Some of my closest friends weren’t there- a few of them were too far away or too busy with work, a couple of them had left Belize and gone back to the States. This morning I ate potatoes and eggs with friends after we exchanged rancid chocolate milk for O.J. from the shop just down the dirt road. Then two of us sat on the sidewalk together, waiting for the bus while learning a little about each other and sweating in the sun.

October ends.
Watching sunset colors melt together to sweet reggae music on the bus on the way home makes arriving at the PCO (with my volunteer "sister") looking like a couple of wet dogs after trekking through the rainy city worth it. It’s been a slow and peaceful day. The other day a friend back home said I sounded as though my thoughts were positive, clear, and concise. I feel good these days. There is constantly so much to do- Spanish, yoga, writing, reading a dozen books, lesson planning… but it makes me happy to look at all of it as wonderful options and no longer causes of stress. A weight’s been lifted. I feel lighter these days.

November begins.
Today I found myself galavanting in a beautiful perfume shop, surrounded by pristine shelves with discounted but overpriced deliciousness. This was in the Free Zone, after an entire morning at the Chetumal Mall; the atmosphere, architecture, shops, even the food court- all of it surreal in how it felt like I could’ve been California. I was in Mexico, just on the other side of the Northern border of Belize. The streets were paved and parking lots were painted. The taxi rides were jerky, white-knuckled mini adventures. Back home now, I lay in bed exhausted from walking in and out of shops all day, but I can still sense the faintest breeze of perfume on my wrist.